讓你的英文作文顯得有程度 – 作文改寫技巧

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每一年,至少十數萬個英文學習者,出於各種理由,參加各種不同的英文考試  — 全民英檢初、中、中高級, 學測,雅思,托福等 –這些測驗都需要英文寫作能力。但是,大部分的學校要到高中二年級才開始教學生寫英文作文,在這之前,我們的學生連英文各種句型的寫作練習都很少。因此,許多人只能寫英文短句子,能正確掌握用法的單字很有限,而且分不清時態的用法,習慣使用現在簡單式來寫句子。這樣要怎麼通過英文作文考試呢?

在這裡,我們將示範如何將簡單呆板的句型,改寫成長短交錯,變化較豐富的句型,並且將時態修訂正確。有英文寫作考試需求的學習者,可以多做這種練習,先用簡單的英文句子表達自己的想法,再一步步,將簡單的英文句子構成的作文,變成句型多變化的英文作文。

如何改寫文章,提高英文作文的程度

 改寫文章分兩個步驟:首先先修改作文結構,接下來才修改句子。

作文結構:改寫文章前,要先唸過一次,看看:

  • 文章順不順 – 不順的話,試著移動句子、添加句子或加上轉換詞
  • 陳述合不合理 – 不合理的話,可能要刪除句子或添加細節
  • 上下句的連接突不突兀 – 突兀的話,可能要移動句子或加上轉換詞

如果是敘述文的話,要有場景與人物,敘述事件要依照時間順序; 如果是論說文的話,讓文章主旨,主題句、支持句與其細節調理有序的呈現出來

再來要改寫句子:

  • 每個句子的第一個字不要一樣
  • 有名詞子句、副詞子句、名詞子句與對等子句等較複雜的句子
  • 有_ly副詞當句子開頭
  • 有_ing的字構成的片語當副詞或形容詞,在開頭,或句子中間,都可以。
  • 有形容詞作為開頭,後面再接SV
  • 可以有特殊句型如:倒裝句、假設語氣、分裂句等
  • 敘述文的話,有感嘆句、有對話

除了第一、二個要點,其他都要看文章,盡量做到。以下,我們用一個簡單的文章當範例,看我們可以將這篇文章改成許多不同的樣子。

先注意作文結構與故事敘述時間(時態)

Jane has a cat. Her cat’s name is Romeo. Romeo is a white cat. Romeo is small.  Jane is petting her cat.   She loves her cat.  Her cat is washed. Her cat smells good. Romeo is a friendly cat. Jane is on her bed. Romeo is on her bed, too.  He is asleep. Jane feels thirsty. She does not want to wake up Romeo. She picks up her cellphone. She calls her sister. She says, “Get  me a glass of water, please.” Her sister says okay. She is in the living room. She is playing with her dolls. She goes to the kitchen. She gets a glass of water. She takes the water to Jane’s room. She opens the door. She says loudly, “Here’s your water.” Romeo wakes up and runs away.

唸過一次後,我們發現,有些句子是敘述故事主人翁的習慣或現在的事實(有底線的句子),要用現在簡單式,有些卻應該是發生過的事,要用過去時間敘述,所以我們先將句子做移動,將敘述發生過的事情的句子放在一起,下面為經過調整後的句子,第一到第六句為主人翁與貓的特質或現在事實,用現在簡單式(有底線的句子)。後面應該是發生過的事,要用過去時間的簡單式、進行式或完成式,我們先改成過去簡單式。

Jane has a cat. Her cat’s name is Romeo. Romeo is a white cat. Romeo is small.  Romeo is a friendly cat. She loves her cat. (Jane was petting her cat. Her cat was washed. Her cat smelled good. Jane was on her bed. Romeo was on her bed, too. He was asleep. )Jane felt thirsty. She did not want to wake up Romeo. She picked up her cellphone. She called her sister. She said, “Get me a glass of water, please.” Her sister said okay. She was in the living room.  She was playing with her dolls. She went to the kitchen. She got a glass of water. She took the water to Jane’s room. She opened the door. She said loudly, “Here’s your water.” Romeo woke up and ran away.

調整文章中不合理、不順暢與突兀的敘述

我們可以發現粗體字的句子出現的很突兀,文章用小括號括起來的部份在敘述,喵咪洗完澡,跟Jane一起躺在床上,Jane在輕輕拍她的貓,所以,我們調一下這個部分的敘述順序,加上一些細節,還有轉換詞等。

1.Jane has a cat. 2.Her cat’s name is Romeo. 3.Romeo is a white cat. 4.Romeo is small.  5.Romeo is a friendly cat. 6.She loves her cat. 7.One sunny day, Jane gave Romeo a bath. 8.She dried his fur with a blow dryer. 9.After the bath, Romeo smelled so good and clean. 10.She put him on her bed. 11.She lay next to him. 12.Jane was petting her cat.  13.She ran her finger down Romeo’s back. 14.This made him feel good. 15.He was asleep. 16.Jane felt thirsty. 17.She did not want to wake up Romeo. 18.She picked up her cellphone. 19.She called her sister. 20.She said, “Get me a glass of water, please.” 21.Her sister said okay. 22.She was in the living room. 23.She was playing with her dolls. 24.She went to the kitchen. 25.She got a glass of water. 26.She took the water to Jane’s room. 27.She opened the door.28. She said loudly, “Here’s your water.” 29.Romeo woke up and ran away.

粗體字是更改的部分,這樣,大概敘述上就蠻順的了。接下來,我們來將句子變複雜:首先要注意的是,每個句子的第一個字不要一樣。其次,能用一個字表達,就不要用兩個字。為了讓讀者易於理解,我們在每個句子前加上編號。

第一部分改寫:

  1. 將第二句Her cat’s name is Romeo改成whose name is Romeo(形容詞子句)併到第一句,並且將第三、四句簡化成white跟small放到cat前面
  2. 將第五、六句用and合併
  3. 此外,我們將重複的名詞改成代名詞。這樣,在這一段裡,我們就有形容詞子補述用法跟複合句(用對等連接詞and連接兩個句子),而且兩個句子的第一個字不一樣。

Jane has a small white cat, whose name is Romeo. He is friendly and She loves him.

(我們也可以改成Jane has a small white cat named Romeo.  Romeo is cute and friendly. She loves him very much.)

文章中間粗體部分,很多句子的第一個字都重複,所以要再進一步修改:

  1. 將第七句與第八句用and then合併
  2. 第十、十ㄧ句用and連接兩個動詞
  3. 第十二句改成過去簡單式,並且將十三句改成分詞構句running her finger down its back,再用逗號接在第十二句後面
  4. 第十四句跟第十五句用so…that SV這個句型合併,並將was asleep改成fell asleep

中間部分,修改之後,就沒有重複的開頭,雖然這一部份有一個句子的開頭是Jane,跟前面第一部分重複,但是,因為距離遠,所以不會讓讀者覺得一直在重複用字。還有在這裡,我們有_ing分詞構句在句尾

One sunny day, Jane gave Romeo a bath, and then dried him with a blow dryer. After the bath, he smelled so good and clean. She put him on her bed and lay next to him. Jane petted the cat, running her finger down his back. This made him feel so good that he soon fell asleep. 

第三部分的改寫:

  1. 在第十六句前加上although與第十七句合併
  2. 第十八句跟第十九句是先後發生的動作,將先發生的動作(第十八句)變成分詞構句,放在句首,接上第十九句,再用and連接第二十句- 在這裡,為了強調Jane不想吵醒她的貓,所以改變動詞用whispered
  3. 第二十二、二十三句先合併成為She was in the living room playing with her dolls.(有點像There is a girl standing on one leg的句法); 因為這個句子是在描寫第二十一句的Her sister 的特色,所以用形容詞子句併到第二十一句的Her sister 後面,用補述用法(因為就是Jane打電話的對象 – 讀者很清楚知道就是那一個)
  4. 先用轉換詞Then,再將第二十四、二十五跟二十六句用and合併 – 使用and連接三個以上同詞類的句子叫排比句。
  5. 先用and連接第二十七跟二十八句 - She opened the door and she said loudly, “Here’s your water.” – 因為這兩個動作可以是同時發生,所以,將後面寫的動作變成分詞She opened the door, saying loudly, “Here’s your water.” 
    也可以進一步將saying loudly改成shouting
  6. 最後一句有些突兀,所以改寫

最後這一部分的,有副詞子句,形如詞子句,句首分詞構句,還有加上對話。雖然在這裡有一個she開頭的句子跟中間部分有一個重複,但是,中間夾著許多句子,所以,沒關係。

Although Jane felt thirsty, she did not want to wake up her cat. Picking up her cellphone, she called her sister and whispered, “Get me a glass of water, please.” Her sister, who was in the living room playing with her dolls,  said okay. Then, she went to the kitchen, got a glass of water, and took the water to Jane’s room. She opened the door, shouting, “Here’s your water.” Her loud voice woke Romeo up and he ran away.

( 但是在這一部分,有兩個句子都是her開頭,所以還可以再改寫看看。例如:Not knowing the cat was asleep, Jane’s sister slammed the door open, shouting, “Here’s your water.”  The noise she made woke Romeo up and he rushed away. )

改寫後的文章

Jane has a small white cat, whose name is Romeo. He is friendly and Jane loves him. One sunny day, Jane gave Romeo a bath, and then dried him with a blow dryer. After the bath, he smelled so good and clean. She put him on her bed and lay next to him. Jane petted the cat, running her finger down his back. This made him feel so good that he soon fell asleep. Although Jane felt thirsty, she did not want to wake up her cat. Picking up her cellphone. she called her sister and whispered, “Get me a glass of water, please.” Her sister, who was in the living room playing with her dolls,  said okay. Then, she went to the kitchen, got a glass of water, and took the water to Jane’s room. She opened the door, shouting, “Here’s your water.” Her loud voice woke Romeo up and he ran away.

像這樣,只要多做練習,作文就可以越寫越好,對於不同句型的掌握能力也會變得更好。有些學習者可能剛開始寫不出英文作文來(沒有寫作習慣的人必經的過程),下面,我們介紹一個英文資源,其中有數百篇用簡單的單字與句型寫成的英文短文(從50字到250字),請大家多加利用。

ESL – Reading: 這是一個提供免費豐富資源的非常好的英文學習網站。需要練改寫句子的學習者,請利用這個網站的Level 1 – Level 6 文章

如果你有其他文法或寫作上的疑惑,可以到我們『英文文法』『英文作文』專頁,看看有沒有文章探討相關問題。

Barshai Huang
Barshai Huang
從事英語教學二十多年,一路伴隨著學生從幼稚園成長到大學畢業,非常熟悉不同年齡的孩子,在英文學習上會遭遇到的問題與解決方法。擅長自然發音、文法、句子結構、英文閱讀理解策略與寫作的教學。我的教學理念是設計出帶給孩子樂趣與成功經驗的教學方案,孩子就會產生自信,並熱愛英文學習。
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